Sober living

Married to an Addict in Recovery? Tips for a Sober Spouse

It’s, uh, it’s not without, like, loss, right? So, you know, places we used to go or things we used to do or whatever, right, some of those are.

I am honestly very cool around alcohol now, you know, and have been for a long time. I feel like I didn’t change your life that much. I mean, I think that it’s, that’s definitely true.

Signs of Addiction in a Marriage

Responsible for a host of duties to include payroll and client billing, Kristie boasts a 25-year background in the financial services industry. Utilizing clear communication to assist the team mission of excellence, Kristie demonstrates her commitment to Burning Tree’s fiscal viability by the method of accurate accounting and financial modeling. Happily married for 26-years, Kristy has 3 beautiful children, a long-haired dachshund, cocker spaniel, and a 1-year-old terrier. Their entire identity may become consumed by the feeling to serve or sacrifice for their partner while acting to fulfill their own needs for attachment and closeness. It’s important that anyone experiencing domestic violence in their relationship contacts a domestic violence hotline.

Professional help may also be necessary as you work to rebuild your relationship. You may want to agree to a system that will help you rebuild trust, like promising to always call your spouse if you’ll be home late. Once you agree to a system, be sure to consistently honor it. Otherwise, trust will continue to be damaged instead of repaired.

Fertility Issues

Your partner may need plenty of time to attend recovery meetings or talk to sponsors or program friends. It’s natural for the non-addicted partner to feel marriage changes after sobriety left out or even jealous. Remember that marriage is a legal contract. You are the one the police will call when your spouse has been arrested for a DUI.

marriage changes after sobriety

You’ll be responsible for any shared debt incurred during marriage, so if your partner is running the credit cards up to the max to get cash advances to buy drugs, you’re responsible for paying it back. Consider this when deciding whether to stay or go. Counseling can really help in these situations. Setting boundaries with a person in recovery is just as important as setting boundaries with someone in active addiction. This is because of the reality that they may relapse again. It’s also important to hold your spouse accountable for their behavior in recovery.

There’s not one definitive outcome to this process.

Extensive time spent “with friends” partying, especially without you. Drugs, alcohol or drug paraphernalia hidden around the house. Individual therapy is also a great environment for you to learn how to set firm boundaries and enhance your communication skills. This can help you to reduce the amount of blame and anger you feel toward your spouse. Continuing education designed specifically for MFTs. Explore the 85 online courses offered and expand your knowledge on a variety of topics.

marriage changes after sobriety

Often, the loved one provides the money anyway, but they must draw a line to get the attention of a loved one who is addicted to drugs. Even in a healthy relationship, honesty and trust are key.

What To Do If Loved Ones Are Concerned About Your Drinking

I had to recover from addiction, and my wife had to recover from so many years spent in codependency and dysfunction. We both had an uphill battle, but on top of all of that—on top of what we thought were the greatest challenges of our lives—we had to try to recover our marriage.

  • It can be hard to feel connected to someone who doesn’t remember portions of the day and numbs their feelings with alcohol.
  • Yeah, kids in your mid 20s anymore.
  • Inability to stop drinking or using substances even after repeated promises not to use them.
  • His leadership style is informed by his own experience as a Burning Tree Ranch alumnus.
  • Like, hey, you know, I just don’t.

Live in Arizona and need to find an accredited treatment program? Check out our list of affordable programs that can help your loved one to get sober and help your family to heal from addiction. When your loved one was in active addiction, it’s likely that part of your identity was based on their addiction. A lot of your life revolved around worrying about them, trying to get them to change, and taking on their responsibilities around the home. Finding support is especially important if you felt isolated while your spouse was in active addiction. If it felt like your life revolved around their addiction, then you’ll need to lean on like-minded people who can understand and support you. Recovery will change your marriage just like active addiction changed your relationship.

Writing letters to each other is also a helpful strategy. You don’t even need to share them with your spouse. But the simple act of writing down what you want to say without interruptions or argument, and being able to look at it again later, can help you clarify your feelings. This can improve your communication in person, and reduce your chances of saying something damaging in the heat of the moment. A journal is a great way to work through and process your feelings.

  • Spend more time socializing with friends and family.
  • We argued over inconsequential things like eye rolls or dismissive looks.
  • I cannot recommend 12 Keys at the River enough for those struggling with addiction.
  • Unfortunately, that rarely happens.
  • I heard the pain of years old transgressions oozing from my wife as though the wounds were wide open.
  • We knew you wanted to make this change and hadn’t found a way to do it, and so scared of making the change.

Removing the addictive substance won’t cure your spouse of their character defects completely. You both may see their recovery as a life-altering change, but it also comes with its share of challenges. We cater to midlife in order to focus treatment on the unique needs of an established adult who is struggling with addiction. Speak openly about how addiction hurt you and how you think you both can take action to mend it.

Alcoholism, Sobriety, and Marriage

It is only after the recovery of both partners is solidly underway that it is safe for them to attempt true intimacy with each other. They must have cleared away some of their resentments, gained self- acceptance through participation in their support group, and rediscovered aspects of themselves that they had kept hidden. Emotional and relationship problems which were caused by the addiction, as well as those which were there before, always become more pronounced once the recovery process begins. This is because the addicted behavior is no longer providing a smokescreen to hide the problems . At this point, something must be said about the difficulty many of us have in trusting others. The ability to trust develops early in life, and depends on the parents’ consistency in making the child’s world safe and comforting for him.

There was a game after dinner there. The glasses are right in front of you. I literally went upstairs to put the bed with texting my sober bestie Ingrid like, I’m gonna fucking kill them. If they don’t, if I go downstairs, this goddamn bottle of wine is there.

While those struggling with substance abuse are responsible for their own behavior, there can be family dynamics that increase the odds of addiction. Being in recovery together, even if you’re not actively addicted, can help you heal psychological wounds that may be holding you back, too. Lastly, think about recovery as a family project. You’ll find there are helpful programs for the partners of recovering addicts and your children, too.

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